By: Dr Paula O.M.Otukile
Mahalapye, Botswana
Worth Noting:
- An abuser is sick mentally, but most are smart people. They work with strategy. First the abuser separates the victim from family, an abuser is an authoritative person, they steal the right to freedom of expression, the right to voice opinions without fear, they still the right to freedom of movement of the victim. They become a DEMI GOD, meaning the act supreme.
- By nature a woman loves to be cared for, the abuser act like they care about the victim, they are good at pointing at bad traits in people. They exaggerate the bad traits of people and separate the victim from them using such words like “Your cousin uses you, look at this and that!”
To the women in my timeline, abuser can never change, only you can run and not look back. Study has shown a man who beats you, controls you, when he sees he is losing his grip and control they plan and most succeed but kill the victim. We are tired of GBV, let’s stop 🛑 it. Women run, stay away from abusive men. Leave that marriage if it comes with abuse! Leave that relationship, say No to abuse.
A man who beats a woman is not going to stop if you hide it, report him immediately. Never tolerate a man who belittles you as a woman. Stop dating a man who makes you feel small, who rebuke you all the time but never praises you.
As a person there are things you do that are good, let him say; “Wow! Beautiful, you are great, you did well, well done, keep doing better, and keep rising. An element of an abuser is to pull the victim down, the constant nagging is the abuse, a home needs peace. A man who shouts at you always is an emotional abuser pack and go.
Women are amazing, they are beautiful people, and women were girls before they become women, and a girl is a child, a child that is mothered and fathered, even if the parents can die, the woman got relatives, same people who receives a bride price when she gets married.
Therefore when you start to stay with a man or get married the fact is you got somewhere you come from or a place that you came from. A lot of women simply stay saying “where shall I go?” Go back to your people! Why must you stay with an abuser?
A man who beats you is an abuser, a man who talks I’ll of you is an abuser. A man who controls whom you must associate with, talk with, do what at what time is an abuser. A well grown raised up well women got family priorities, she must not stay in the streets, she must not frequent illicit places, but she must have friends and visit her family and talk to her colleagues.
Patterns Of Abuse
An abuser is sick mentally, but most are smart people. They work with strategy. First the abuser separates the victim from family, an abuser is an authoritative person, they steal the right to freedom of expression, the right to voice opinions without fear, they still the right to freedom of movement of the victim. They become a DEMI GOD, meaning the act supreme.
By nature a woman loves to be cared for, the abuser act like they care about the victim, they are good at pointing at bad traits in people. They exaggerate the bad traits of people and separate the victim from them using such words like “Your cousin uses you, look at this and that!” Before one knows the lady do not call, do not answer calls talk to parents nor visit at all, as time goes on the victim loses ties with family and only lives at a corner with the abuser.
Then the next phase is secluding the victim from friends, the abuser paint friends as little devils, and rebukes the woman from associating with such people. Even if the victim tries to validate why they must meet or do anything, the abuser becomes the law, the victims are normally dependent on something, either resources or simply a place to stay.
The victim loses their freedom of association, only talks to those the abuser wants and even live an ugly boring life. The abuser live two lives, the life of the victim and theirs.
How Abuse Find Roots Or Germinate
By standers or onlookers
Neighbors sees the abuser beating the woman and keep quiet. Make a noise, go there as a group with the police and make him uncomfortable chant stop abuse. Us keeping quiet as society becomes like it’s normal, call him an abuser straight, as the police gets him, let him know there is no room for an abuser in your street, make the streets hot.
A mother who raises an abuser knows, she watch as it germinates and grow, she defend it as temper and other things. Some mothers are killers, that boy killing a girl in future you are an accomplice, report that child of he does illicit behavior on your watch.
The family knows of the abuse, the signs are there but they do nothing. The abusers families are always having the knowledge that their child is an abuser they put it under the carpet.
Victims
Victims also escalated the behavior of an abuser, first day or first time the abuser raises his hand pack and go. Never ever come back.
No abuser deserves a settled home. Go fast run.
If he frequently talk to you in a manner that you are in court, that’s a red flag why are you still there? “Woman marriage is tough, a home is built on difficult circumstances, people pass situations!” Forget that an abuser shall kill you as his mental health deteriorates, once he begins with nagging, beating you, harshly treating you, he shall cheat, turn it that you deprive him something then you are the cause. Even their bad behavior they will turn it to you.
Some women stay because are scared because of the stigma of divorce, but the stigma of staying with a cheat, the stigma of staying with a pathological liar is not the same? Imagine when you laugh with him, no one believes it’s genuine because as an abusers he might be forcing you to laugh and fake happiness, just go.
Abusers thrive in controlling the victim, abusers thrive in giving the victims a false hope, that they shall change, the change daily and monthly keeps on saying sorry, the relationship is mixed with too much court as the abuser is the judge or Demi God, the victim enjoys nothing but rather court after court. Say No To Abuse Leave That Person!
The women killed stayed when it was bad, people talked and they put wax in their ears. Do you want to leave that relationship on a coffin? Get out now.
Stop Abuse! Say No to Any form of Abuse.
Mt Kenya Times