Is Being Born Out Of A Wedlock The New Recipe To Misfortunes?

“God please, let me die, let me die, let me die!” This piece of a prayer item that some people are praying and they have normalised it.

In the recent past, there have been an increased number of children born out of the wedlock. This comes amidst so many crises both at the familial level and the national level. Children born out of the wedlock is just but only one of the greatest signs that something is amiss and as a country, there is need for checking ourselves.

The most painful part of this situation is that most of the children born out of the wedlock go through so much pain and agony. They are left to serve the punishment that was meant for their mothers or their fathers and this, unfortunately, has become the new normal. This agonizing scenario demotivates such children and they tend to generally become dull or kind of social dwarfs. They fear to poise out their issues since they know that no one is likely to listen to them and if any one does, then help will be very much minimal.

The conditions under which these children are forced to be brought up in are disheartening conditions which in the long run, they may bring about long term social problems or mental issues such as depression among others. Unfortunately, the upbringing of most of these children is markedly different from the upbringing of other children within the same family. For instance, you may realize that such kids are forced sometimes to forego meals or are even intentionally denied because they have not done this or that, they could be the ones taking care of the others while they themselves still want that care and attention or even they are overburdened with home chores and activities which are sometimes beyond their capacity.

All these unappealing conditions become a daily habitat of such children and all they contemplate about is either their mother or their father who is not present with them at that time. This consistent thinking of someone they cannot reach or talk to makes many of them develop a secretive lifestyle in which they harbour so much of their feelings, emotions and thoughts. In the long run, they may choose to murder themselves or to become totally a different set of human beings.

Often, as an aftermath of their childhood consistent bullies, you may find that even as adults, they will either bully others or they will socially remain unfit to associate with others. Therefore, they become just fully grown people in terms of body size but in terms of mental tenacity, they are slow to respond to issues.

Such children may also showcase inconsistencies or low performances in their tasks or school work. This is brought about by the phobia that originates from their primary environment and also, lack of adequate time to prepare for their personal goals since they are always worried about one thing or another.

To make matters worse, in the past there have been cases of even where such children are killed. Like the case of the gentleman I was talking to, in his childhood, at around the age of 7, he was almost killed because of sibling rivalry that commonly happens when one child has achieved something and the other one is envious. Such is the situation that faces the modern man.

To survive in our today’s time, it is good that we all go back to the drawing board and have our lessons taught to us. Parents are urged to educate their children  on life issues when they are still young so that when they grow, they will hold the moral values that is needed such that even when they find themselves later in  such a situation, they will always know how to deal with it.

What you might have realized is  that the Gen Z is taking the whole thing to the banks of the abyss and we might be preparing ourselves for a very long period of unending mourning and cries  at such a tender age, they may sometimes not be mentally  developed to tackle some of the stress that comes with the company of the environment that they are brought in. In most cases, these children are not seen as equals among their siblings and playmates.

We should save these children from the hostile environments of maltreatment and show them love and affection, give them reasons to appreciate their presence in our midst and above all, to educate them the values that will need for their growth and development. No one wants to care. Surprisingly, the world we are living today has become such that the number of those being born out of the wedlock are increasing day in, day out. This could be due to the hard economic conditions that suspend or sometimes expel couples from their marriage or the fear to marry or get married especially by the .com generation, infidelity among the married couples or just carelessness and the burden of abstinence from the unmarried population. When such instances happen and by bad or by good luck children are born, some people become extremely harsh towards these children.

Talking to a victim of such a scenario, he told me that for him, all he ever prayed for was for God to let him die.  He could not stand the pains of torture and the everyday atrocities that were done to him by his step mother and all he did every morning was to ask God to let him die on that day. This came after a series of misfortunes that he was made to go through as a punishment for the mum’s mistake of not marrying the father or rather the father’s mistake of marrying someone else who was not his biological mother. Looking at it from that perspective, you might easily be tempted to believe that humanity and kindness is a thing of that only the dinosaurs can teach us how to get it.

Though, there are still good people who can either step up or as Samaritans who may offer to help. Such a happenstance is a great sacrifice and such people are just made of golden hearts. In today’s world, young men are warned not to step up for the mistakes of another man. The warnings come with the title of “simp” and as it have been said always, simps see dust.

However, the man is the beginning and the ending of the whole of this menace. I argue that  if all men are taught lessons on masculinity, on fatherhood and provision, such scenarios can only be fables to sooth our appetite for sleep. Since some men just choose to become irresponsible, the happenings such as these one cannot be fully resolved. However, women also have a share of the blame. Why would they cheat in their marriages or rather, engage in activities that would be problematic in future?

The pressure of denial is left to heat hotter on the heads of the children. This is not their choosing and if you find yourself in a situation where your husband or your wife has a child somewhere with someone who was not bold enough to stand up for it, let there be a dialogue. I argue that dialogues in such situations can save the wraths that are pushed towards children of such standing.

To the children themselves who face such challenges, it is good to speak up. Silence to such ominous felonies is a step closer to one’s own death. Therefore, they should fearlessly raise their concerns and people out here are caring- they may help.

By Enos Odero.

Literary analyst, pursuing a master’s of arts degree in Literature, Rongo University.