Poems by Tafadzwa Mutandakamwe aka Starly Taa from Zimbabwe
Reminiscing about an agonizing past.
Tears stream Down my cheeks just upon hearing
about gender-based violence.
I became a victim and I was helpless.
Timidness and threats engulfed me, and I couldn’t disclose the truth to anyone.
My world was getting crushed just before my eyes. Dignity and self-respect, all I lost with a bolt from the blue.
I became a hostage of depression.
Mental illness felt exhilarated to consume me like a magnificent dish.
Seeing a psychological therapist made me feel vulnerable.
I felt like it was the same as telling the world I’m mentally unstable.
That fear stabbed me from the back and I just had to turn tail.
I had no one, just me and my shadow, fears, helplessness, and darkness.
Those moments where he molested me more than just once glued in my mind. They were flashback scenes and repeat scenes, and never a fast-forward scene.
My life had become more than just a movie. My whole body felt dirty, but the dirty hardly came off.
There are a whole lot of fresh wounds in my heart.
I bet not even time will heal me.
Tears took any affirmation to never fall out from my eyes again.
It was just fun, even tears find me not condign of them. They, too, deserted me, maybe I had leprosy or something because I definitely no longer sure.
The pain of being someone’s punching bag, a sex toy, was slowly ripping my heart off.
My silence consumed a part of my soul every day.
Slowly I felt drawn towards my death and I felt the solace. Thought I was finally reaching my destination, but it too became an unfulfilled wish. I was still miles away from my death.
Surely hard times never kills.
Now I’m just a statue.
I’m broken, but still standing.