By: Wafula Meshack
Real men as a topic have lost its taste. Everybody is trying to define it in his own way. There are a lot of stories that have covered this common topic. Newspaper stories are awash with these stories. Am sure you have met if not read books with titles like,10 ways on how to become a man,17 steps to true manhood etc.
More so you have listened to these radio magazines where there has always been a hot discussion full of expostulations on what it means by being a real man, where speakers with titles like experts, mentors, speakers or even motivation speakers are invited to distribute their “knowledge” to the public believed to have a lot of experience in those manly topics .Being realistic, am also a victim of such.
I have read a lot of resource materials, researched and listened to all “men mentors”.
Being a fun of memes albeit not an addict, I met one that had this caption “hakuna bibi mrembo, pick that bad one then present to God for editing” As usual, I laughed because memes are meant to make people laugh.
Anyway that’s according to me. After killing myself laughing, I gave it another serious thought. I had read somewhere that there is no perfect lady, and believed it. All women are equal in terms of negativity and positivity.
It all depends on the weight one carries on either sides. What’s the point here then, all ladies have got some weaknesses. There is no perfect lady in this world. Itβs you to meet her, marry her and try to change some behaviour within her that doesn’t make you happy and feel like you are no longer among the bachelors.
Me saying so, should not make you think that all women are the same. Nop. There are those good, better and best while others bad, worse and worst. So it depends with how you were misled by your eyes to land on a lady you are having now, and calling him mama Brayo. The same applies to men.
By saying so, it’s important to note that there are three things that shape up a person. Experience. Education .Environment. When combined, they make up a fully grown person both physically, emotionally and psychologically. These three things are the ones that make people perceive things differently.
Yes, I will say like motivational speakers; some will say half-filled glass of water while others half emptied glass of water. It all depends with those tri things. What is so special with men that we want them to behave in the same way? I can’t find the reason why many men must have to follow these strongΒ unwritten manly rules.
Let me pontificate on this, all these rules that are inconceivable meant to be followed by “real men” are just but a person’s mentalities placed on a big book written on top “bestselling book in the world” to make you believe them. All these strange or captivating headlines on newspapers are just meant to scare you and make you feel inferior with your manhood.
Just like I had said earlier, I have read so many of them. Umpteen times, and am sure there is no man who can follow all of them. Something surprising, if not worrying is that all these laws are contradicting. Everybody is trying to address men based on his intelligence and more so, also from his education, environment and experience backgrounds. So unfortunate that nowadays everybody is competing to address a real man who doesn’t exist anyway.
It’s so sad that there are rules that have going up to an extend of promoting SGBV, with the excuse of talking to men. I remember reading a main story on one of Saturday Nation magazines addressing on SGBV. In the middle, the story was about this Twitter guy, Eric or Amerix who is well known of talking to if not misleading men through his #masculinity Saturday quotes. Now here starts my dilemma. He had been summoned by this newspaper for an interview but declined. How comes he had declined an interview with Saturday Nation magazine, if he really knew he was doing a great job of advising men to be real men.
Me writing this story should not make you feel am still mentoring you (am assuming you are a man reading this). No, am just doing some reflection in a different way on what had been already said. Just like I had said earlier, those three Es are the ones that shape a person, and more so experience. The sage once said, experience is the best teacher. What makes me say so then, you as a man just do what you feel like doing.
If it’s going out to sleep with women, do it. If it means to you spending all your small salary on women, go ahead. If you want to leave your wife after getting your salary and spend on slay queens in Nairobi, who will eventually leave you after they have done with you, it’s up to you. If you want to do mjengo in order to purchase this belle you have placed on a pedestal some pairs of stilettos that will be worn visiting her another boyfriend, just do it with all the energy you have.
Do all the don’ts that “men mentors” restrict you from doing. Everything, and i mean lock, stock and barrel.Above all the world will change you soon after maybe you have taken a Mchele in a drink in one of those fine big bars in Nairobi boondocks and been robbed badly.Am kind of a guy who will never restrict you from doing what you need to do and get some experience from it.Stop impressing people by forcing yourself on hand to mouth life,when you know that you are a la dolce vita guy.
More so who do you is to advise a man in love with daughters of Zion. You will never, even an inch by writing a million paged book “How to advise a man in love”. You won’t. If you succeed, then you would have gone against nature and you deserve some severe punishment from God. Yeah the same God who was disobeyed by very first man, Adam, just because of Eve’s love. We men we were meant to be men of weaknesses. Even women have got weaknesses. I can’t tell you to do this or that for you to qualifyΒ to be among the “real men” who are mere pretenders. There is no true definition of a real man. You just become what those Es taught you to be.
For better understanding, when you tell a man not to take alcohol, yet his family background is full of alcoholism. All his teachers and pastors have been drunkards. What makes you think your mere article on the magazine will change this damu ya ukoo. For you to change a man, how I wish you change his past. His educational background, life experiences and environmental background. All of them, not any of them. If you can’t, leave that to the creator who controls our lives.
I personally have been brought up knowing that there are no men or women chores. That’s my environmental background. I am a woman in my own special way. As long as I can bend over, then I can wash utensils, clothes and carry babies. Do you have the prove that real men don’t wash utensils?.
Being brought up as the only boy in a family of many daughters taught me a lot. You can’t change me with your education. I have no macho. Again I say, just be the real you since there is no proved fact on becoming a real man. Me what I know is that the only proven fact and definition of a true man is being in a position to make a woman pregnant. All of us have chests, both men and women. Were you not taught in class five if not six of the breathing system? Itβs just that some of we men have started misusing chest cavities for other reasons like showing off, yes broad chests.
The only thing I can say is as far as you are practicing your manly ego, don’t disrespect ladies. Why say ladies and no other men, because 80% of men talks rotate around ladies. I personally will only follow few rules that make sense to me.”…real men don’t do this to women”. If you are able to follow such, do and stick to your guns.
Just like there is no perfect woman, there is no perfect man. You can’t tell me and if you can, then you won’t prove to me that a real man takes no alcohol, have no side chicks, prays daily, performs house chores as told by his wife, good in bed, have a big voice etc.
Who does that anyway? All these great authors who restrict “real men” from attending night clubs or taking alcohol, some of them were victims of lagging it up until reality and life experiences plus character development hit them hard and changed. A good example is a motivational speaker and pastor Robert Burale who was used to attend night strip clubs but later changed for good. So just let men be. Life will change them.
Just like I’ve said, no one is perfect. We have laws of the country to follow, not your unproven manly laws, so stop stressing men with “real men” steps. Let people enjoy their lives to the fullest. Experience and character development is there to teach them, not your impenetrable “Top ten facts of a real man”. We are all here in this world to experience ourselves, yes our lives, not your experiences.
In my book, as a man the world is your oyster. Stop stressing you, there are more plenty of fish in the sea. Go and fish them. Eat some of them until you get satisfied, then go back home with your net.
