Black Barren
By Ria Thetswe
The purpose of the book
One of the expectations of a married woman is that she
bears children for her husband. If she faces a challenge of
conceiving, she is regarded as a failure by the society.
This tends to give the husband a licence to cheat – and
use his wife’s barrenness as an excuse. On the other
hand, the society treats her as half a woman.
There is a couple that struggled to get children. Then
the husband went outside and impregnated three
different women. He justified that by saying his wife is
barren and he wanted kids. She was forced to accept
those children as her own. I could imagine
the pain that
woman went through.
That said, the first two years of my marriage were a
bliss. I enjoyed every minute of it. According to experts,
first few years of marriage are regarded as honeymoon
stage. In this stage, everything is perfect. That’s how
things were between myself and my husband.
Things took a turn in the third year of my marriage. I
was struggling to conceive. People, including family and
church members, wanted to know when am I getting
pregnant. It was as if I was committing a cardinal crime.
Some gossiped behind my back. This really tested my marriage. However, my
supportive husband stood by me all the way.
I became a butt of joke in my neighborhood and
church. It was the most difficult moment of my life.
There was a time I felt like I was losing my mind. But by
the grace of God, I survived it all. I also forgave all those
who taunted and tormented me. Not only that, I also
prayed for them. At the end, the good Lord answered my
prayer.
What is the purpose of this book? It is to:
Instil hope to the infertile men and barren women.
Remind the victims that God’s purpose supersedes
their challenge of not bearing children.
Therefore,
they are not defined by their challenge but by
God’s purpose.
Remind them again that their blessing is not
conditional. Whether God blesses them with a
child/children or not, they are BLESSED. PERIOD!
It took a lot of courage for me to write this book. The
thing is: it is not my style to lay my life, including that of
my family, bare to the public. But I strongly felt that the
book needed to be written. Somebody out there may be
saved by the book’s message.
This book is not an autobiography. It is a tell-tale of my
experience during the years I struggled to
conceive. I was
persecuted for being “barren”. Many women face a
similar challenge but have no courage to talk about it.
Preface
This book has ten chapters. They are: the painful truth,
love knocks on the door, wedding bells, false pregnancy,
falling pregnant, my near death experience, being a mom
for the first time, testimonies, prayer declarations for the
fruit of the womb and last laugh…
INTRODUCTION: Fantasy
I had a fantasy. My fantasy was to get married to a
certain type of a man. And have two children: a boy and
girl. Yet I was still a young school going kid. But all
women dream about that when they are still young. I
was no exception. The pertinent question is: Did my
fantasy come true? Maybe, maybe not.
CHAPTER 1: The Painful Truth
There is a saying “the truth shall set us free”. But
sometimes, if not most times, the truth hurts. When the
doctor told me the truth, I was shattered. (The cause was
something that happened years ago). I was in pain and
emotionally drained. Not only that, I also thought my
marriage had ended. But not quite
CHAPTER 2: Love Knocked on the Door
It was love at first sight. When I first saw him, I knew he
was the one. He also felt the same way. He is a man of
few words. Very modest, shy and soft-spoken. He has
good manners as well. I fell in love with this man. He
swept me off my feet. His name is Isaac Thetswe.
CHAPTER 3: Wedding Bells
I love weddings, especially that part when the marriage
officer says “you may kiss the bride”. The pertinent
question is: How long should couples date before they
say “I do”? I really don’t know. For me, it happened after
a year. Ours was really a challenging relationship. There
were opposing forces trying to break us apart. But our
love strong enough to withstand the storms we were
facing. At the end, we tied the knot.
CHAPTER 4: False Pregnancy
There is such a thing called false pregnancy. Ask me
about it, I will tell you. I desperately wanted to fall
pregnant. There was a time I thought I was pregnant but
I was not. I really felt like I was pregnant but I was not. I
had all the signs of being pregnant, they were just that:
signs. It was my mind playing games with me. That’s
false pregnancy for you.
CHAPTER 5: Falling Pregnant
When I got married, I was a virgin. So, I thought it was
going to be easy for me to fall pregnant. It was not to be.
Getting pregnant became a struggle. That affected me
physically, emotionally and otherwise. It was tough. My
faith was tested, but I never stopped believing. At the
end, I fell pregnant. Glory be to God!
CHAPTER 6: My Near Death Experience
We are all going to die one day. But the irony is that: no
one wants to die. As a result, we rarely prepare
(spiritually and mentally, that is) ourselves for death.
After giving birth to my beautiful daughter, I almost died
– and I remained in hospital for a couple
of days. But God
said “it was not yet time”. I lived to tell the story.
CHAPTER7: Being a Mom for the First Time
There is nothing as fulfilling as being a mother. But
motherhood doesn’t come with a manual. The elderly
can show you how they have done it. But still you have
to find your own way. As a first time mother, I had to
find a way that worked for me. I thank God for
entrusting me with the responsibility of being a mother.
CHAPTER 8: Testimonies
There are women I know who struggled to conceive.
Doctors told these females that they wont have children.
Just when they thought that they won’t have children of
their own, they got pregnant. They now have children.
Doctors were baffled. Their testimonies feature in this
chapter.
CHAPTER 9: Prayer Declarations for the Fruit of the
Womb
Human beings have a direct line to God. They
communicate with the Almighty Lord through prayer.
That said, prayer works. I’m the living testimony of the
above statement. I prayed through my challenge of
conceiving. And I believed that God will answer me. And
He did. I used prayer declarations to get the desired
results. Those prayer declarations are recorded in this
chapter.
CHAPTER 10: Last laugh
When they crucified Jesus Christ, they thought it was the
end of Him. Little did they know that it was only the
beginning. Christ followers are all over the world. When
they persecuted me for being barren, they thought I will
never have a child. To their dismay: I have a child of my
own. Who had the last laugh?
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