Campus Parenting

By: Chepkorir Phyllis

You can never know what somebody has been through or is passing in their lives, one will only get to know you more when you decide to open up. Not everyone that smiles  is living the best  life that he or she desires, many are those who use a smile on their face to hide their problems.

“Have you ever visited someone and on arriving he or she ignores you,” she asks. This question left different thoughts running in mind before I could answer her. “Yes it has ever happened to me once when I had visited my friends without noticing them and later realised that I had ruined their plans by coming “, I answered. Mercy started crying and at this point I had to sit close to her and hung her tightly to comfort her without knowing what it was all about, this made her to let out all her fears and at last she was composed and was able to narrate what had actually occurred.

I had just joined first year and we were breaking for Christmas holiday when  I decided to visit my boyfriend who was working  in Nairobi ,because I was not aware of the place he lived I called him on arriving and he came to pick me on the bus stage before we proceed to the house. When we arrived in the house he went directly and lay in the bed. I thought he was tired so I didn’t mind at first I scroll through my phone and when I felt sleepy I asked him what we could take as supper ,she narrates. “I am okay am not taking supper if you are hungry you can go out to buy food and cook”, that exactly what he answered. This left me wondering what wrong had I committed, “is being pregnant for him the greatest crime I did”, she asked me. I keep silent for  a bit not knowing what to answer her before he continued.

She had bought some snacks while travelling and  because it was late  in the night and also she  was familiar with the place she  took  them and retired to bed ,She couldn’t sleep easily a lot of thoughts ran in her mind and had to asked herself a lot of questions without answers. The next morning he woke up get ready for work and he left without saying even a word to her, that’s when she decided that the best thing to do was to go back  home because the welcome was not that nice she took a bath, dressed up  and took a packet of milk before leaving”

Tracy says that despite Mercy claiming that she had a boyfriend who was working, she kept asking herself a lot of questions concerning Mercy because the kind of life he was living and the situation she was in was not favourable for her state. “A pregnant lady should eat a balanced meal, dress well and also have someone to help her in doing hard house chores I thought”, this was opposite because Mercy was by herself and he did all her house chores even  lifting water from the well. When looking at  her state of life I could clearly see that there  was a problem somewhere but she was pretending that everything was okay.

“We came back to school for our second semester after the holiday, days passed by smoothly and I attended my antenatal clinic and doctors assured me that everything was fine. The only moment I can never forget is, Mercy smiled for sometime  I fainted during a lecture”, she said. In many instances pregnant ladies faint due to various reasons for example low blood level  but to her case she said that it was due to hunger she recalls “I had not taken breakfast because I  was too tired to cook “,she says. My expected day of birth was towards the end of the semester and   a day before this date I decided to go home.

She travel a bit late and  when darkness fall she decide to  sleep in a logging for the night before travelling home the next morning but her plans didn’t work ,water broke at midnight and Mercy knew that it was time. She didn’t know to do luckily she saw a number written in the wall and decided to call and it went through, a lady came to her room she explained to her what has happened and she called an ambulance immediately and was taken to the hospital. “I didn’t have even a pair of a cloth of my new born”, Mercy says. There is one thing that I had asked God to grant me, I just wanted him to take my baby away because it’s seems the father had rejected him.

She had saved some amount of money and at that point she requested a certain lady to go help her purchase a pair of babies clothes and a shawl,I delivered safely  and when a nurse asked for someone we had come with I cried, that’s when she asked her name and took my clinic book and called the  next of kin she had written  which was her  mum.  She was assisted to move out of delivery room with a nurse to the ward.

“When my mother arrived she was shocked she  just stared at me, Is it something to hide from your mum”, she uttered after a long silence. Mercy says that she  explained to her that she didn’t know how to break the news to her and she feared her reactions. “We stayed in the hospital for two days before I was discharged,” she says. We went home with my mother and by this time she had helped me purchase more clothes with my cousin for the baby. She had to stay home for a week before resuming to school because the end of semester exams were  to begin the next week.

The toughest part of her life began after she delivered and came back to school, “I was alone with the baby no one to help me “she says. She  couldn’t find someone at home to come and help her look at her baby while she attends classes and her mum couldn’t come with her because of her younger brother and sisters who were at home, so she just decided to come because she was not ready to defer her exams yet her father had completed  school fees.

“It was an exam week and the baby could disturb me all night crying, and in the morning I had  to prepare and go to exam room without  having done any revision. I   used to just leave my baby with anyone in the plot I was living with anyone who did have a paper at that time. I would rush to the exam room do a paper faster, submit and return to the house to check on him and I managed to complete my exams” Mercy recalls.

“The following two semesters the struggle was the same”, she says. She had to manage being with the baby alone and attending the lectures, she says that even some of the neighbours could lie to her that they have classes even if they don’t because they had been tired with me for begging them to stay with her baby as she went for the lectures. Sometimes she didn’t go for classes when she had no one to leave her baby with.

“My son was one year old when I left him at home with my mother”, she says. Her mother said that the baby was at least a year and Mercy could stop breastfeeding him, she could stay with him at home and take care of him. “This was the biggest relief for me because I could at least focus on my studies and tries to improve on my grades because I had poorly performed in the previous years, “she says.

Being a mother in campus is not that easy for most ladies, there are a lot of challenges they passed through some are being disowned by their parents, others are left by their so called lovers after realising there are pregnant but on the other hand there are those who enjoy their pregnancy journey and even after birth because they have responsible lovers.

She later came to realised that one of her cousins was speaking ill of her with  her  boyfriend and he believed her. At some point she tried to talk to him to help her support the baby and he did so for a few months before quitting.” HELB loan has helped me a lot, whenever I received my help loan upkeep money I make a budget and ensure that my son has all the basic needs and also save some for emergencies, “Mercy says.