By Tafadzwa Mutandakamwe aka Starly Taa from Zimbabwe
Reminiscing about an agonizing past.
Tears stream Down my cheeks just upon hearing
about gender-based violence.
I became a victim and I was helpless.
Timidness and threats engulfed me, and I couldn’t disclose the truth to anyone.
My world was getting crushed just before my eyes. Dignity and self-respect, all I lost with a bolt from the blue.
I became a hostage of depression.
Mental illness felt exhilarated to consume me like a magnificent dish.
Seeing a psychological therapist made me feel vulnerable.
I felt like it was the same as telling the world I’m mentally unstable.
That fear stabbed me from the back and I just had to turn tail.
I had no one, just me and my shadow, fears, helplessness, and darkness.
Those moments where he molested me more than just once glued in my mind. They were flashback scenes and repeat scenes, and never a fast-forward scene.
My life had become more than just a movie. My whole body felt dirty, but the dirty hardly came off.
There are a whole lot of fresh wounds in my heart.
I bet not even time will heal me.
Tears took any affirmation to never fall out from my eyes again.
It was just fun, even tears find me not condign of them. They, too, deserted me, maybe I had leprosy or something because I definitely no longer sure.
The pain of being someone’s punching bag, a sex toy, was slowly ripping my heart off.
My silence consumed a part of my soul every day.
Slowly I felt drawn towards my death and I felt the solace. Thought I was finally reaching my destination, but it too became an unfulfilled wish. I was still miles away from my death.
Surely hard times never kills.
Now I’m just a statue.
I’m broken, but still standing.
- I won’t go back to do that things I used to do
Going back to do that things I used to do, just a nuisance. I’m sure to change my ways by leaps and bounds.
It was then when I consumed pride. Never knew pride goes before a fall.
I certainly to turn over a new leaf. A stitch in time saves nine.
It was then when I consumed drugs.
Drugs which made me molest innocent girls.
Their pride I took, seld respect I snatched and virginity I stole. I showed no remote.
A monster I had become. Never learn to rough it, easy, I did my things. Bribe,force and theft were my tactics. I certainly to turn over a new leaf. A stitch in time saves nine.
I was a malediction instead of a benediction towards my family. An opprobrium I was after dragging their name to mud. The proverb,” look before your leap, didn’t mean anything to me then.
I left my family in the lurch after snatching their wealth. I certainly to turn over a new leaf. A stitch in time saves nine.
It was then when I was famous for being deceitful.These times when I sailed under false colors. I regarded myself a pugilist and deemed everyone recreants.
It was I who never missed out any fall out. An affirmation, I had taken to pick holes with anyone better than me.
I won’t be the same old me. I certainly to turn over a new leaf. I won’t go back to the things I used to do!
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